What’s Wrong With Pursuing Happiness?

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What's Wrong With Pursueing Happiness-There’s a common theme in many of the inspirational quotes I see floating around the internet. Typed in over a warm picture of an ocean sunset…”Do what makes you happy”, “You deserve to be happy”, and the cliché “be happy”.

Simple, right? Just do, just be.

The problem with this is that many of us think “yeah, that sounds right, I should be happy”. So, in a sense, a free pass is given. This pursuit of happiness justifies what we want to be doing at any moment. Thinking of your happiness turns out to be glorified selfishness.

You know what makes me happy?? Binge watching Netflix and cinnamon rolls.

By resolving to just ‘be happy’ pretty much translates to whatever makes us numb. There are the common ones: just one more pair of shoes, just a few more drinks, or just a different relationship. Then there are the ones masked in success: just one more promotion, just one more adventure, or just a few more followers.

These things may not be bad in themselves. It’s really anything we use to distract us from actually dealing with our insides.

It’s no secret we live in a time where instant gratification is the norm. I got a new phone because my old one got slow. Now it’s taking ‘too long’ to learn my new phone…which is equally as frustrating.

I was happy when I got my phone. A day later, I was not.

Clearly, happiness shouldn’t be what we strive for here. The goal will not be attained. It’s a hard habit to break, a never ending merry-go-round.

What we need to be going after is wholeness.

No one can just “be whole”, but we all deserve it. Becoming whole means we work on things broken, things that are damaged. From my experience, it gets worse before it gets better. Digging into yourself is not happy. It’s cleaning out wounds before they can heal.

But the freedom that comes from the work, the time, the tears…is absolutely breathtaking. You get to know yourself, in turn, you can call out what isn’t actually serving you and leave it behind.

Which, ironically, results in happy.

Take care, you.

WHY OUR GOALS FALL FLAT

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why-our-goals-fall-flat-2At the beginning of each year, I find my feeds filled with people posting about new promises they are making for the rest of the year.

More exercise, less weight.
More adventure, less TV.
More reading, less scrolling.
More money, less stuff.

These are all wonderful things to strive after, and it is so encouraging when I see people follow through. But more often than not, some months go by (or less) and these goals fall flat.

For years I had resolved to not even put down any resolution. It was too overwhelming. It was too much of a low when I failed. It was just too much. Those who struggle with anxiety or depression, New Year goals can drag us down into a pit that’s pretty difficult to get out of and it can loom over our heads the rest of the year.

What I DID do throughout all of those years is something that, at an early age, I had made a habit. Something that, I believe, should be the number one resolution on everyone’s list.

Write.

Go get a journal and a comfy pen. Put them on your nightstand. Before you fall asleep, write for 10 minutes.

Put all your stuff down on that paper. Get it all out. All of the angst and all of the joy. All of the failures and all of the victories.

A few have told me “but I’m not a writer, it doesn’t come as naturally to me, and I actually hate writing”. I’m not saying you have to write a novel or start up a blog. I’m just suggesting a few scribbles a day. I have not met a therapist that has not suggested this.

This is why…

We cannot healthily, wholly achieve our goals if we don’t deal with what is built up inside. If you don’t get that stuff out, everything else will fall short.

Remember, people can seem successful on the outside and still not be a flourishing person beneath the surface.

So, this year, make writing a habit. You will become more in tune to what your body is telling you, what your patterns are, what is healthy for you. Because…what is good for others may not be good for you to run after this year. Let yourself have ‘mental health’ days. Re-evaluate how you treat yourself.

Be sure to download my free ebook “Come up For Air: 14 Days to Unearthing Your Strengths”, if you haven’t already.

It’s my gift to start you out on this writing journey!

Happy New Year.

Take care, you.

My Launch and…GIVEAWAY!

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Contrary to my personality, I actually really enjoy throwing parties. And this one was much anticipated.

I got the fancy cheese and wine, along with my made-from-scratch brownies. Some close friends showed up with treats and gifts.

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There was so much work to do after the actual launch. As with any dream to be chased, there are always goals to be met, one after another. But your dreams can easily be thwarted if you don’t allow yourself to breathe and acknowledge how far you have come.

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And although I have some miles to go, I am so excited I am finally here. I hope I can inspire you too as we walk through this together. There are so many successful people out there that are so encouraging, but you can still be left with the question…”Yeah, but how?” What does it take in those first few years?

So I’m here, laying it all out. The first thing I’ve come to realize is this…

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We need people.

These people, and so many others, helped me carry the weight of getting a business together this past year…by supporting, encouraging and showing up for me. It is so important to have people in your corner, to intentionally lean on and lift each other up.

AND then to celebrate victories with and this is what the night was all about!

I am so excited for this journey with you all!

To show my gratitude to you all who are here with me at the start of all this, I am giving away a “Self-love Care Package” on Instagram! Go check it out!

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What have you always wanted to chase after? What has stopped you? Are you ready to pick that dream up again? Let’s talk about it!

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PS. Have you heard about my eBook? “Come Up For Air” takes you through 14 short days to unearth your strengths. And right now, you can have it for free!

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Are You Selfish?

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Are You Selfish-There is a lie that has been swirling around, most likely since the beginning of time…that spending any time on yourself is completely selfish. You have way too much to do, there are too many demands on you everyday, too many people who depend on you. There is no time to even consider what you might be needing for yourself.

What’s worse is that this notion has become a bit idolized “I’m a busy person, I’ve got responsibility and no time, therefore I am important and good enough” or “if I admit to needing time for myself, I am not strong enough”. Because being selfish is bad.

Enough.

Now, I agree being selfish IS bad. When you feel selfish, or acting selfish, it means something is unbalanced in your life. It means you have got some stuff you need to deal with. Selfish is when your insides have boiled over and you desperately snatch at anything to take the edge off, and often at the expense of the people you love. It’s a bad thing, it’s a bad word, it hurts you and the people around you, there is nothing good about being selfish.

But…self-care? Well that is the complete opposite of selfish. It’s what is absolutely necessary to have a healthy, full life, benefiting you and everyone else. There needs to be intentional, deliberate, daily habits worked into your life to not only keep yourself from imploding, but to lead an abundant life. And it’s really the only way you will be truly effective and successful in your responsibilities and relationships.

Here are a few quick things to start you on the road to self-care.

Self-Reflection

Take a few minutes in the morning to set personal goals you would like to achieve for the day. End your day with evaluating what went right and what could use some work.

Time for fun

There needs to be time in the day to breathe. Whether it’s a bath, reading a book, chatting with a friend or all of the above. Start out with just half an hour. Every single day.

Tend to your body

Commit to keeping a meal journal for a month to get a handle on your health, and give at least 15 minutes a day to being active.

These few self-care habits, done everyday, will save you from acting out in selfishness. Practice these and you will be on the road to thriving in all areas if your life.

How You Know You are Ready for a Life Coach

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How You Know You Are Ready For ALooking back, there was a very specific time in my life that getting a life coach was the right move for me to make. Years before I made the decision to seek one out, I had been through some time with a therapist and worked through a lot of head things because of some tough circumstances in my life. After, I had reached a point of “well…now what?”. I wanted there to be a way to use all of my good and bad experiences but I felt just…stuck. I didn’t know what to do but I knew I wanted to do something.

I was ready for a change in a big way.

Going through the whole process myself, there are a few things that I look for in women before agreeing to be their Life coach.

Open to change

The first step to being able to change is recognizing there is actually something TO change in your life. This means that there is a priority of ownership that needs to happen inside you.

Willing to be transparent

Not being genuine is such a hinderance for your heart…being honest with me is only going to help you do better through this experience. Transparency needs to be practiced, and learning to do this with me will help you to this with others.

Ready to get serious

This would not be the time to get lazy. There is going to be work. You need to stick to the agreed upon plan we create together for your life. Whether it be eating well, exercising, writing, reading, getting solitude, etc. Also, you always need to be prepared for our next conversation.

Do you live in the mundane? Is it hard for you to live fully in unhindered joy? Are you convinced that this is just how life is and nothing will change?

I take women through a journey to find the depths of themselves and walk them through living life intentionally, overcoming and thriving in being their best self.

What a Life Coach Does…and Doesn’t Do

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NoFearGearsSo I realize there may be some misconceptions of what a Life coach actually does and I wanted to clear that up a bit, hence this post.

To tell you the truth, I wasn’t exactly certain what a Life coach did until I was sitting across from one at a coffee shop…as I spilled all of my dreams and hang ups all over her. After she took it all in and took all her notes, she looked at me and said “You are going to do big things. We just gotta throw some elbows to get the space to make all the things happen. Let’s get to work.”

And that’s basically it. I’m here to point out the best in you that you may not be seeing…and I help you see it. Cause when you see it…everybody needs to hold on to their seats.

It’s work for the both of us. It’s deciding and planning to bring daily habits into your life that you need to make room for despite “everything else you HAVE to do.”

It’s giving up things that might even be good things, but are hindering you at this moment in your life.

And I’m right there with you. I’m here, committing to make a positive impact in your life. I am here to be 100% honest with you, listen intently, keep you on track, and help in anyway possible.

Here are some points for a better grasp of what a Life Coach does.

I am not your therapist but I will suggest one if I see that is something you need in your life. There are some brain things that, although I understand it, I am just not equipped to help fix. My time in therapy was so crucial to who I am now that I actually hope everyone would look into it for at least a season. Sometimes I’ll even suggest a client go to a therapist before I start a Life Coaching journey with them.

I do not advise you to stop or start medication. But I will absolutely suggest you go have a conversation with your doctor if you are questioning what you are or are not taking. I’ve had my seasons of taking things to help bring down anxiety through particular rough patches and I am not opposed to anyone getting the right kind of help. Aside from what your doctor and you agree on, I will also talk to you about essential oils, vitamins, and other healthy stuff that can contribute to your overall well-being.

I won’t be up until 4am talking to you on the phone, but I will answer emails and texts as quickly as I can to support you. I will also check in with you myself at least once a week, on top of our two scheduled conversations a month. I am here for you, but to help you…I also need to take care of me. And I need sleep…probably more than I get. Although I keep in contact with my clients and consider them friends, I encourage healthy independence!

Does this sound like someone you need in your life right now? Are you ready for a deeper, more fulfilling life? Are there things you never thought you could overcome?

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